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Story of my… Multiple Sclerosis cont. - Waiting / ArtStation '22 - Part 5: CR02 - Thing: Trap Dragon

  • Writer: Joanna Hinc
    Joanna Hinc
  • Oct 10, 2023
  • 9 min read

Updated: Nov 21, 2023

"Discover the challenges of Seeking Help during a Time of Crisis and navigating a month of helplessness."


Imagine being told, "You won't receive assistance for another month." It's a month where helplessness consumes you…


As the days pass, your hands weaken, making simple tasks impossible. Holding a pen becomes a struggle. Eating and drinking require inventive tactics. Your right leg joins your arms, forcing you to drag it along.


But the worst is the suffocating sensation that tightens around your ribs. Breathing becomes a challenge. You contemplate seeking help earlier but remain silent… "You have an appointment…"


In this ordeal, silence isn't a sign of well-being; it's the weight of not speaking up when you should.


I once experienced this personally, years ago, and now share my reflections.



Text from the Video:


PART ONE:


Intro…


Hey, hey!


I hope the last three weeks have passed peacefully for you. I'm currently facing a situation where I have a lot on my plate, and yet my file with my new 3D model crashed... Fortunately, a close friend of mine, who is a programmer, was able to assist me, even if he doesn't know Maya at all and how its code works. I didn't get the file back in full because it got cluttered and was written with weird symbols, but it's something, you know, it's not zero! However, this event, together with the fact that I was also working on a project for someone else and on preparing this video too, has caused me to have a serious delay with my plans... Well, it happens, and now back to the grind. ;)


Now... while I still have the strength for it, I'll tell you what happened after the neurological hospital informed me that there was no available space and made me wait for a whole month to be admitted. In hindsight, I should have called an ambulance and not worried about it at all... Or even better! I could have called a TV station; that would have made for quite a story! xD Or not, I don't know, I don't care.


PART TWO:


Waiting…


I believe I've mentioned before that I don't recall much from that month - it was all down to a constant barrage of stress and worries…


Imagine a situation where you got a message like this - "You won't receive assistance or any help for another month!" You feel utterly helpless, and it might take another long month, and what if longer, what if you receive the help too late? What then? To add to the complexity, you share your living space with your ex, who has become quite a burden, and there are two other roommates on the other side of the wall, each of them living with a partner. There's no refuge to be found. There's nowhere to sit down in peace and collect your thoughts, you can't even cry at full throat and get all your grievances out.


You can't really count on any help either, because your ex has two left hands, and flatmates consist of two students with an inflated ego and a mummy complex... (By that, I mean they expect you to do everything for them because they can't manage things themselves, or are too lazy. For instance, who in their right mind pours water after cleaning the floor into the sink? Apparently, the toilet is the preferred destination for that, as it's less likely to get clogged immediately after… Hmm, that's actually an example of stupidity, but who cares? You got the picture.)


Yes, I am drifting off the topic.


How shall I put it then... The beginning of that month was not easy, the hospital appointment was far away and the human mind works as it works. Although, at the time, I absolutely did not allow myself to think that it would stay that way.


The problem? It was getting worse by the day. I had less and less control over my right hand, I couldn't hold anything in it - a stupid pen weighed a ton. To compound the problem, it wasn't long before my left hand began to weaken too, forcing me to rely more and more on my ex's assistance. And I must admit, I wasn't finding any enjoyment in this situation at all.


Around the middle of that month, I reached a point where I couldn't hold anything in my hands anymore; everything felt incredibly heavy. Drinking from a cup involved resting it on the edge of a table and leaning towards it - essentially, the table's edge served as support while my hands offered unsteady assistance (fortunately, I could still bend my arms in elbows). It took me ages to eat a meal - all the cutlery was smarter than my fingers and frequently slipped out of my grip.


And just one night I even managed to slap myself in the face with my own hand as I rolled from side to side... Cool, right? My ex laughed about it for a week... What a Moron.


Halfway through that month, my right leg started to join the party and I had to drag it behind me. Fortunately, it somehow managed to support my weight, though for a short time, but still.


And at the end of that horrible month came the worst of it.


Slowly, I began to feel pressure on my ribs - it felt as if someone had tied several ropes around my chest and clamped it tightly. I couldn't take a deep breath and I was afraid that I was going to suffocate... I probably should have stopped waiting and insisted on being admitted to the hospital, but I never quite knew how to be audacious enough to take such a step... This is something I learned from my parents: stay quiet, carry out your duties, and be happy with what you have.


Well, no! If you don't speak up, it means everything is fine. And yet it wasn't...


You are probably wondering, where are my parents in all of this? My mum asked if she should come and help me, but where would she stay? I would have to get rid of the parasite and his gang of spiders first - maybe that would be the right thing to do? It might help my parents better understand my situation because they've never truly witnessed any of my episodes and just how severely I struggle with everyday tasks… Instead, I hide… shouldn't do that.


PART THREE:


Unexpected support…


So you know what was happening to me physically, and mentally? Apart from not allowing myself the thought that it could stay like this, I had a huge amount of time to think about what to do next, how to approach this problem, what steps to take, and what to do with my job. Will I have anything to go back to or not? I might even have to go back to my folks' house because I might not be able to work. It wouldn't be a helpful thing to do, but I still had to consider this.


Meanwhile, my best friend at work, who also happened to be the leader of my team, demonstrated that he was an incredibly kind and supportive person - he finished my task, did all the corrections, and didn't take a penny for it, the entire payment came to me, I didn't ask for that, I didn't know he is doing that when I was off - until our manager told me about it. Even though it wasn't a lot, it was something, and I needed money badly at the time. It gave me a certain sense of peace and security - at least on the professional side, I knew I had something to come back to when the time came. You know, my lider helped me, my manager didn't kick me out. He approved my lider help. So… that was nice.


With my friend, we would occasionally have phone conversations, really but still, and during those times, he was likely the only person who actually made an effort to uplift my spirits.


So I persisted patiently while waiting to be admitted to the hospital and I finally got there! Of course, I was in a much worse state than I had been a month earlier and it would probably have been easier to help me sooner. But who really pays attention to that? What truly counts is the present moment, not the fact that in a month's time, the patient might pose a greater challenge and also incur higher costs...


And that's it for today from my story, thanks for your listening, and I invite you to the next part of this video, dedicated to my creature and what you can see on the screen.


PART FOUR:


CR02 - Thing: Trap Dragon…


As I've mentioned before, I know a bit about the D&D world, which allowed me to create this... creature? Or not a creature after all?


Basically, all that's left of the dragon here is the soul / essence / driving force of the silver dragon and nothing else...


Nevertheless, here is the BIO of "Thing":


Once upon a time, quite a long time ago, he was a peaceful, order-loving Silver Dragon. He was not very recognizable, and it may not have even been noticed that he was beastly ended and turned into a mindless machine.


Now he simply does what he is told, only somewhere inside it feels resentment at this state of things. But it is a faint and fragile feeling that it tries to look after within itself, in those rare flashes of consciousness.


As a mechanism in itself, it probably wouldn't be able to move well enough. The point is, there is still magic which eliminated most of the problems. Eventually, simple instructions are enough for the "Thing" to follow a command without the need for additional supervision.


Additionally, you can discover more about my Challenge Entry and "Thing" on the page linked in the description below.


PART FIVE:


On the screen...


I wouldn't describe sketching various mechanical elements, buildings, or related subjects as one of my preferred pastimes. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've never really ventured into developing my skills in that direction - I've been completely unattracted to it, as you can probably see. :D


Here, however, I decided to brush up on this aspect a little and create something unusual in the process.


For some reason I didn't record the process of creating the Blockout - I don't know, I forgot or the file got lost (yeah right...). Still, it's a cool way to give yourself a baseline for creating such a creature or some building or other complex structure that would be hard to classify as 'organic' (although Blockout can be useful for such things too).


Here, as you can see, I relied quite heavily on my Blockout to create this sketch. It was a huge help, not only because of the shapes - which are not particularly complicated anyway - but also because of the perspective. It's much easier to control it that way.


PART SIX:


Summary…


I have to admit, that this time it was extremely difficult... Not only did it literally pain me to go back to those events from years ago, but finding the right words to convey it all was also quite a struggle.


I often think about how different I might feel now if I had got help sooner then. How would I have felt if I hadn't led to this problem in the first place... Or under what other circumstances might I have found out about my MS? Or perhaps not at all?


Acutely, this kind of thinking will get me nowhere now. Fortunately, I've acquired valuable lessons that aid me in steering clear of future issues (after few years time anyway, not from the start) - including implementing good practices:


  • Avoid stress as much as possible - through observation, I've learned that abrupt and intense stress can trigger an MS episode.

  • Regular exercise - whether it's working out at home, taking walks, or swimming, these activities helps me maintain my body in reasonably good condition because I require movement, and my body often reminds me of that fact.

  • Workstation adjustment - if something bothers me, or causes me pain with prolonged use, I try to improve it, so for example you see a blanket behind my head, the normal chair is too hard for my spine.

  • Balancing work and rest - not easy, I know. But it has allowed me (along with exercise) to get back to a full working life - and before that, I was unable to sit in front of a computer for more than an hour or so, and that lasted for about a year.

  • Don't be afraid to talk to the doctor / Demand help - over the past few years, I've developed the habit of addressing any issues that arise for me between check-ups and compiling a list of them. In a couple of instances, this approach has significantly enhanced my quality of life.

  • Keeping a good level of vitamin D3 - from what my neurologist once told me, vitamin D3 is part of the myelin covering of the nerves, so it is worth making it strong.


That's all from me for now. I hope you've enjoyed it and will continue following my story. If you found this content engaging, please consider giving it a thumbs-up! I'll be back in three weeks with more of my story - so it's probably worth setting up your subscription and notifications. Thank you for watching! Take care, and see you soon! Goodbye!


PART SEVEN:


Just in case...


And again - I am not a doctor or any medical professional. The information I share is based on my personal observations, insights from healthcare providers, physical therapists, and various written sources. It's important to note that what works for me may not necessarily be suitable or effective for others. Before adopting any practices or techniques mentioned be me, I strongly advise you to consult with a healthcare professional to ensure that you are not putting yourself at risk or causing harm.


Thank you for joining me on this exciting adventure. Let's make a difference together!



At the moment I don't have much to offer beyond my videos - I'm still learning how to do all of this and looking for ideas of what I could offer to people who would decide to help me. If you have any ideas, please feel free to write!



Thanks for watching!

Challenge:



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